the-vashta-nerada: today my sister asked me for a glass of cold water and i sarcastically asked her “how cold” and she said “as frigid as your love life”
year is 2392
child: mommy i can't sleep
mother: don't worry child. lay down as i sing you this ancient lullaby, passed on through my family for generations
mother: RACK CITY BITCH RACK RACK CITY BITCH
castiel-is-wonderful: sionainnlindsay: castiel-is-wonderful: WAIT HOLD THE FUCK UP IS ‘MRS’ JUST MR’S LIKE BELONGING TO MR OMG Mr comes from the French monsieur, which I think literally translates as ‘my lord’ and basically just means master, and Mrs comes from maistre which is the feminine form of master, so actually—for once—no. This was an extremely relevant comment and I thank...
fullmetalfisting: one time in high school i didnt read the assigned book and i was like fuck it imma write this essay anyway and i had no idea what the book was even about or who the characters were so i just spewed out some shit about archetypes and the teacher came up to me after class and told me i was the only student who truly understood the book
monarchbaby: mareeps: still not sure what exactly math is It’s buying 72 watermelons while not admitting you have a problem
kylobe: sometimes i get the urge to be really nasty and mean and say mean things and then i go to do it and i cant its like. im too soft. im not punk rock at all. i lied. i lied to you all. i lied on the internet. im not hardcore. im possibly soft grunge but thats about it
scvlptures: depression is when you don’t really care about anything anxiety is when you care too much about everything and having both is just like what
toadlyoko: So in middle school we weren’t allowed to have any drinks aside from water but I kept sprite or the clear kool aid in a water bottle and felt like I was someone who made moonshine during the prohibition era.
leeroyjenkins: i don’t know what to tell you other than the fact that a giraffe’s heart weighs 22 pounds and that somebody once told me when flies fall in love, their entire brain is rewired to only know loving each other. when one of them dies, their memory becomes blank. i hope you never think about anything as much as i think about waking up next to you during a windstorm at 5 am.
eatsleepandfangirl: Sometimes I get offended by Canadian stereotypes but then I remember once my friend came back from her vacation to see a robber in her house and then her family sat him down and then they all had a lengthy discussion about life choices
saverockandroll: drops out of school to save rock and roll
Cutest thing ever: When people get really excited about something and end up rambling all about it. You can see how much passion they have for it and it's just the most adorable thing ever
geminispy: elphabaforpresidentofgallifrey: stridersquad: richwhitelesbian: we need some new and more powerful swears
brother-touching-wincest: On Supernatural, we don’t say “I love you,” we say “I can’t do this without you” which roughly translates to “If you die, I’m coming with you” and I think that I’m crying help me.
figurants: they call them “goosebumps” because there are little, tiny, microscopic geese living inside of you and when you’re in a cold place they think they have reached the north and they all try to get out
noonereadstheurl: I honestly can’t blame David Karp for wanting to sell this website You can only be called “daddy” by white middle-class teenaged girls so many times before something just snaps
tylenold: no no you Misunderstood me!! im not here to STEAL the money, i just like wearing Ski Masks as an edgy fashion accessory
an open letter to yahoo
aiclan: fix the tumblr video player and you can buy any fucking website you like
amoying: yogvrt: what if swag was pronounced swaj the swaj mahal
gay guy: *cough*
white girl: OMG UR SO SASSY!!!!!!!
cnnbreaking: when you are so desperate you go to the second page of google results
oh-woah-dope: since this is yahoo, can someone help me please? i held a girl’s hand the other day and she didn’t come to school for like a week. did i made her pregnant?
makkine: makkine: Oh my god this is giving me flashbacks to when Disney announced it was buying club penguin and there was a literal actual penguin protest in front of the clothes shop for like 4 hours straight I love society
njena: i think the reason perfume commercials are so weird is because they have to advertise a smell without using smells
moffnat: do you ever just cry because you suck
rabioheab: earlier this year 2 boys got expelled from my school for going on a teachers email and sending another teacher an email that says “you’re a disgusting little man” and i laugh about it all the time because imagine opening an email from your coworker and thinking it’s important and then it says that
meladoodle: meladoodle: someone flirt with me this was a bad idea
a-superwentzromance: I have just realized my relationship with bands is like the relationship the squirrel has with the nut in ice age